


With Each Step She Takes

by MadMegatax



Category: Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, NISA Translation, Pre-Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:44:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6052104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadMegatax/pseuds/MadMegatax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toko Fukawa despises gym the most out of all her classes at Hope's Peak Academy. She is completely awful at physical activities, and is universally considered the worst athlete of the class. She especially despises the gym outfits, and would completely skip the class if she had the choice.</p><p>However, when she is forced to participate in a four person race for the class, Toko is forced to face her insecurities and learn what's truly important to her.</p><p>Based off the gym photo of the 78th class of Hope's Peak Academy in the bonus material of the first game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Each Step She Takes

**Author's Note:**

> For those unfamiliar with the NISA translation, the following nicknames are given: 
> 
> Yasuhiro Hagakure = "Hiro"  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru = "Taka"  
> Celestia Ludenberg = "Celeste"
> 
> As an additional note that I feel should be mentioned but never comes up in the fic, Toko's affectionate nickname for Byakuya is "Master" in the NISA translation. However, she doesn't actually call him that until _after_ the discovery of Genocide Jack, and still calls him Byakuya up until that point. I personally like to believe that Genocide Jack is part of the reason that she starts calling him Master, and that for Pre-Despair there never would have been a reason for Toko to call him Master. So in this fic she continues to call him Byakuya.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

For the students of Hope Peak’s 78th class, gym was either a class to look forward to or a class to struggle through. Hina and Sakura both loved the class, and they always exercised together whenever they had the chance. Mukuro never clarified whether she liked this class above others, but everyone noticed how she ran lap after lap on the track for the entirety of the class without one complaint. Mondo always lifted weights, and Taka and Chihiro took turns spotting him while they went off to do their own exercises. Taka in particular followed a strict exercise schedule that he claimed led to a healthy and orderly school life. Byakuya maintained a similar exercise routine in order to maintain “the perfect physique worthy of the Togami name”. Leon always made a fuss about gym since according to him, it cut into precious time that could be spent nurturing his budding Ultimate Musician talent, but occasionally he looked genuinely happy as he ran around the track with his classmates.

The remaining ultimate students were less enthusiastic about the class, although in Celeste’s case she didn’t even bother changing into her gym outfit sometimes. Makoto always tried his best to keep up with his athletically inclined classmates, but his efforts left him exhausted at the end of class. Sayaka spent her time trying to keep up with Makoto or Leon, so by the end of class she was as exhausted as Makoto. Kyoko put in the minimal effort required for a passing grade, as she claimed that her detective jobs outside of class demanded more of her energy. Junko barely did any exercising at all, and always complained about how gym took all the work that went into getting her makeup just right and smashed it into itty bitty pieces. Though Hifumi wasn’t particularly fond of the class, he still put in a decent effort, even racing with his classmates once in a while. Hiro stayed on the sidelines more often than not, claiming that he had enough of running from before he entered Hope’s Peak.

Regardless of their struggles in class, however, no one’s feelings approached outright hatred for the class.

With the exception of one Toko Fukawa.

Several months into her new life at Hope’s Peak, she still hated everything that had to do with the class. She hated running on the track, and jumping over bars, and lifting weights, and every other stupid gym activity that the education system decided was necessary to graduate. She hated that she always made a fool of herself in gym, and how everyone else probably laughed at her as she gasped for breath after two laps on the track. She hated how she stumbled and tripped whenever she was forced to run. She hated how exercising always made her sweaty and gross to the point where even she felt nauseated. She especially hated the too small shorts, the too tight shirts, and the too uncomfortable sneakers.

After one such day of sweaty and uncomfortable gym exercises, the gym teacher called the class in from the field in order to make an announcement. Toko gritted her teeth and lagged behind the group, keeping her arms stiff and directly in front of her legs. She knew that whatever activity the teacher was excited about, it would only be terrible for her and remind everyone how bad she was at physical activities. Yet another opportunity for her to be miserable during gym.

When everyone finally reached the fence where the teacher was standing, Toko expected him to go off on a rant about the importance of physical education for building a strong generation to lead the future, as he often did. She hated listening to his tirades, especially since they did not relate in any way to the field she specialized in. Scowling at the teacher, she thought that he was one of the few flaws in an otherwise excellent education offered by the academy.

However, to Toko’s surprise he did not start with his familiar speech. Instead, he squinted his eyes at the students, examining them. Finally, he threw his hands up and sighed. “I’m sorry, kids. You’ve been promised the best education available, but it seems I’ve forgotten to focus on something very important!”

Near the front of the crowd, Taka said, “Whatever it is, sir, I’m sure we can handle it!”

“Haha, it’s always good to see such confidence in you, boy!” The gym teacher clapped Taka on the back, and Taka stumbled slightly before immediately returning to a stance of perfect posture. “But I’m not sure how well this can be taught, to be honest... I guess practice is the only way!”

In the middle of the group, Makoto said, “You always say practice is the only way, sir…”

“Because it’s true, boy!” the gym teacher gave a hearty laugh. “Well, I suppose there’s no point dragging this out anymore. I’m gonna have you do some teamwork exercises!”

Toko snarled, and she could hear several of her classmates groan as well. However, Celeste kept her composure and spoke up, “Sir, all of our other classes have us work together on various projects. We are not unfamiliar with the concept of teamwork. Such an exercise might even be considered redundant.”

“Well your classes may have you work together, but where’s the excitement? Where’s the pressure? That’s why the second thing I need to teach you is competition!”

To Toko’s dismay, the reaction in the crowd in front of her was immediate. Hina started bouncing on her feet, and Sakura smiled down at her friend. Taka was stroking his chin thoughtfully and in the middle of the group Sayaka was grabbing Makoto’s arm, as if already claiming him for her group. Even Mukuro straightened her posture a bit, perhaps analyzing the potential situation in her weird soldier way.

The situation was bad. Definitely bad. Everyone was going along with it like sheep, and now Toko would be stuck in the worst situation imaginable. She could get away with minimal participation in gym when no one paid attention to her, but a competition with groups meant that everyone would be looking at her. Toko looked down at her hands and how they were placed flat against the front of her thighs. Everyone might end up staring at _that_ , too.

“A competition?” Toko’s head immediately snapped up, and she stood on her toes so she could look over the crowd. Was that melodious voice just from her imagination? Near the edge of the crowd–yes! She could only see the back of his perfect head, but in that moment she knew that Byakuya would rescue her from this horrible fate. She couldn’t help but drool a bit at the thought.

“If you think that I need any help learning about competition, you are gravely mistaken.” Toko could just imagine the condescending look the gym teacher was receiving right now. Oh, it was too perfect…! “The ways I have bested any and all competition in my family’s name would prove your outdated playground exercises utterly meaningless.” Toko made a note to herself to ask Byakuya about one of those tales later on.

“Is that so?” Kyoko asked, speaking up for the first time. Toko scowled at the back of Kyoko’s head as she turned towards Byakuya. “And were these victories of your own accord?”

“Of course,” Byakuya scoffed. “The fact that you asked me this despite knowing my ability makes me doubt yours, Miss Detective.”

“Ah… so would I be correct in assuming that you are choosing to back down from an unfamiliar challenge?” Celeste said, managing to make her inquiry sound both polite and condescending. Her reluctance towards group activities seemed to be overshadowed by the idea of taunting Byakuya.

Toko was about to scold both Kyoko and Celeste, but…

“Of course not. I was merely pointing out how out of my league you plebeians are.” Byakuya grinned, and Toko felt her heart stop. Not Byakuya too…? “Anyone worthy of the Togami name is destined to win at everything. A competition pitting me against you would be pointless.”

Toko lowered her head and stared at the ground. Even her beloved Byakuya wouldn’t rescue her from this. She was out of options, unless…

She stared across the crowd, seeing a piece of hair bob up and down between the heads of her classmates. Surely Makoto, the only one she felt comfortable enough to call a friend, would save her? She gathered enough courage to get his attention.

“Ma-Mako-“

“SO!” Junko jumped out of the crowd and next to the teacher. “Now that everyone’s cool with it, let’s start organizing our first official gym competition!”

Everyone started talking at once, and Toko felt her hopes drop as Makoto turned with a smile on his face.

“I wonder what we’ll be doing?”

“We should definitely do some races!”

“Oh, how about a race where you tie everyone’s legs together, that seems like fun!”

“W-Wait-“

“How about a skipping competition?”

“No, dodgeball!”

“For serious? I wouldn’t want to be on a team against the Ogre then…”

“Calm down, everyone!” The gym teacher said, folding his arms across his chest. “It will be a relay race!”

“Huh?”

“Relying on your teammate to pass you the baton… trying to outrun the competition right next to you… it’s the perfect combination of teamwork and competition! I’m sure all you ultimate students will make it a race to remember!”

Toko looked around desperately, hoping to find a dissenting opinion in the crowd, but no one seemed upset by the idea. Chihiro, Mondo, and Taka were smiling at each other, Chihiro with her hands clasped and Mondo and Taka giving each other a thumbs up. Celeste twirled a piece of her hair, smiling slightly because of Byakuya’s obvious annoyance at how the situation developed. Sayaka grabbed Makoto’s arm and pulled him towards Kyoko, already forming some sort of team. Mukuro stared blankly at Junko, and Toko knew from experience that it was useless to get her to oppose her sister.

Anxious to find an unhappy face in the crowd, Toko completely missed how one of her classmates was approaching her until he was right in front of her.

“Ah, Miss Fukawa, I guess we are the only ones unhappy with this development.” Hifumi smiled sympathetically.

“D-Don’t compare me to the l-likes of y-you!” Toko disliked his attempts at conversation on regular days, but given her current distress this was nearly intolerable.

“Don’t worry!” Hifumi seemed undeterred. “I’m sure that if it ever came down to picking teams, you would not be the last person chosen.”

“Ah, Hifumi brings up a good point!” Junko said. She had somehow found her way next to the gym teacher, and tugged at his sleeve to get his attention. “The teams might get lopsided if we let everyone choose!”

“That _is_ a good point,” he agreed, and waved at Hifumi. “Thank you son! It only makes sense to assign teams!”

Everyone turned around to look at Hifumi and Toko. Toko narrowed her eyes. “Wh-What? This i-idiot was the one who ruined it.” She turned over to Hifumi and scowled at him with twice her normal effort.

“Um… I’m sure everything will work out fine!” Hifumi giggled nervously and inched away from both Toko and the group.

“How should we pick the teams, then?” This was the only time Toko felt grateful towards the gym teacher, as everyone turned back around to pay attention to him instead of her. She glanced down and realized that her fists were clenched at her sides instead of in front of her legs. She clenched her teeth, and quickly moved her hands back in place.

Yet another slip up during gym.

Great.

No matter how many times she tried, Toko forgot to keep her scars hidden all the time during gym. Her hands would always move elsewhere at some point or another, and she spent many nights wondering if her classmates noticed at all. They never said anything to her, but she knew better. They probably mocked her behind her back and made up stories as to why she got those marks on her thighs. Or perhaps they truly were that dense and didn’t notice the scars at all. Considering her classmates, Toko considered the latter a definite possibility, and continued to hide her scars with that in mind.

She cursed whoever decided shorts these small would be a good type of girls’ gym clothes.

Distracted by how miserable her situation was, she only caught the end Junko’s next suggestion.

“…draw names from a hat!”

“H-Huh?” Toko said. Looking around, it seemed that some of her classmates were as confused as her.

“It’s random! It’s spontaneous!” Junko punctuated each sentence by punching the air in excitement. “We could have athletic talent spaced out evenly or placed squarely on one team!” Then Junko’s face became expressionless as she said in a monotone, “Otherwise it will be predictable and boring.”

“It _is_ true that real life situations can be as fair or unfair as you describe,” the gym teacher nodded in agreement. Toko narrowed her eyes at Junko. Why did this girl have everyone wrapped around her finger? “And this competition isn’t for the researchers’ benefit at all! It’s to help make you kids well rounded. Very well! We will decide the teams with a drawing!”

“Ah, Makoto has the clear advantage in this, does he not?” Celeste turned around to smile at Makoto.

“Well, I’m not sure that my luck is always _good_ , Celeste.” Makoto rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Well, if real life favors the lucky, then I don’t see why this competition shouldn’t do the same!” the gym teacher laughed.

Hiro groaned, “It doesn’t really seem like fun if you put it like that…”

“N-None of this was fun to b-begin with…” Toko muttered. However, she could only watch along with the others as the gym teacher carefully tore up his attendance sheet so that everyone’s name was on a slip of paper. The only way this entire joke of a competition could be made bearable was if she was fortunate enough to be paired with Byakuya, so she crossed her fingers and placed them on the front of her legs, wishing that her name would be called with Byakuya.

Of course, Toko did not attend Hope’s Peak because of any abilities related to chance. In fact, as she watched name after name pulled from the hat, her hopes quickly sank and she speculated the universe somehow went out of its way to make her more miserable than usual.

And so it was she found herself on a team not with Byakuya, but with Mukuro, Hiro, and worst of all, Junko.

“Now remember to go over the rules of the relay with your teammates!” the gym teacher warned as the groups split up. “Make sure you know how to pass the baton!”

Toko glared at her teammates. If she had her way, she wouldn’t have to interact with them until the day of the race.

However, on her team Toko had an obstinate girl who very often got her way.

So instead of spending the rest of the day sulking by herself, Toko was dragged into spending her afternoon in some bushes with her teammates as they spied at other teams.

\---

“What’s the point of this?” Toko grumbled, crouching down just enough inside the circle of bushes to avoid a branch hanging overhead.

“We’re scouting the competition, of course!” Junko said. She was crouching much lower than Toko, and squinted her eyes at the track farther away.

“B-But do we really have to hide like this?”

“Of course! Otherwise my darling older sister would be uncomfortable. Hiding in the boring shadows is where she fits in the most!”

Toko turned to Mukuro. True to her Ultimate Soldier ability, Mukuro lay flat on the ground, completely obscured by the shadows from the surrounding bushes. None of the rays of sunlight peeking through the leaves seemed to hit Mukuro.

“C’mon, Toko!” Hiro said. “This is fun, right?”

“And you… you’re even more n-noticeable than usual…” Behind the almost invisible Mukuro, Hiro stood tall, arms stiff at his sides, in what seemed to be an attempt to disguise himself as a tree.

“No way! With my hair, I totally blend into my surroundings!” Hiro straightened his back to emphasize the point. However, he stumbled on a stray branch and toppled over.

“…I-I’m going. I might catch whatever brain disease you have if I s-stay any longer!”  Toko turned around to return to the dorm. At this point, even failing gym was better than hanging out with these morons one moment longer. No grade was worth hiding in bushes with some of the most annoying members of her class.

However, Mukuro popped up in front of her in a blur and before she knew it, she was dragged into the bushes and pulled down to the ground. Mukuro’s arm was across her back, firmly holding her down.

“L-L-L-L-Let go!” Toko shrieked, flailing her arms and legs in an attempt to get free. However, Mukuro’s arm pressed down even more. Junko crouched down in front of Toko and held a finger to her lips, pointing to the track with her free hand.

“Ssssh.”

Toko stopped struggling for a second and looked where Junko pointed. She could make out three people running on the track. Focusing on the group, she recognized Makoto and Sakura, with Hina leading the group.

“I still can’t believe Makoto was lucky enough to get three athletes on his team,” Hiro sighed, still trying to regain his composure from falling. However, he fell on his face again when Junko kicked him and pointed to the track with more urgency.

“Ssssh!”

“C’mon guys! We’re starting with a five kilometer warm-up before the real training begins!” Hina shouted, not even turning around to look at her companions.

“F-Five?!” Makoto panted. “I-Isn’t that… a bit much… for a 2400 meter race… only two weeks… away?”

“Hina, I am able to keep up without trouble. However, I fear Makoto does not have that same stamina.” Sakura spoke normally, not out of breath in the slightest.

“That just means he needs to shape up!” Hina said. “By the time I’m through with you Makoto, we might have to change your ultimate ability to Ultimate Endurance!”

“Is… is that so…” Makoto wheezed, struggling to keep up. As Toko watched him trail behind the others, she thought about how she was still mad at him for not stopping this silly competition. However, she also couldn’t help but feel that this punishment was just too much. It seemed that Makoto was still as accommodating as always, and he wouldn’t complain to his teammates at all despite his obvious discomfort.

Now that Toko thought about it, even though she would much rather have had Byakuya as a teammate, Makoto could have been an acceptable alternative.

“Hmm…” Toko flinched slightly, as she hadn’t noticed that Hiro settled down next to her while she was watching the track.

“Hmm indeed…”  Junko said. She was down on the ground, in front of Toko but not blocking her view of the track. Why was her entire team surrounding her?

Toko said, “W-What? They’re o-obviously training…”

“But there’s someone missing.” Mukuro said. She still hadn’t budged an inch since pinning Toko to the ground.

“H-Hang on!” Toko shifted to glare at Mukuro. “L-Let go of me!” When Mukuro made no effort to move, Toko grumbled. “…Fine. I won’t run away. The others would see me, and t-they would just waste my time with idiotic questions a-anyway.”

“A very logical way of putting things.” Junko smiled in approval and then nodded at her sister. Slowly, Mukuro moved her arm from Toko’s back. After glaring at Mukuro one more time, Toko shook her shoulders in an attempt to get blood flowing again.

Turning her attention back to the track, she realized that Mukuro was right. Only Hina, Sakura, and Makoto were on the track, and the fourth member of their team, Leon, was nowhere to be found.

“Well,” Hiro said, “Leon’s always complaining about baseball practice, you know. I guess he doesn’t want to practice for this either.”

“I see, I see…” Junko narrowed her eyes in concentration, gazing at the three currently running on the track.

Finally, she announced:

“We can beat them.”

“W-What?!” Toko had not expected such a declaration. “They have t-three athletic talents on their team, one of which is that huge m-monstrosity!”

“Yeah!” Hiro looked as shocked as Toko. “And we only have Mukuro. Plus, I’m pretty sure Toko’s hasn’t run a day in her life!”

“You b-be quiet…” Toko snarled.

“Eep!” Hiro shifted away from Toko in an attempt to avoid her wrath.

“That’s not a problem!” Junko grinned. “Beating their team should be difficult, but it’s not impossible. And the other teams should be easier to beat, so we should focus on beating Team Super Macho and Makoto over there.”

“H-How dare you dismiss Byakuya so easily?” Toko clenched her fists in anger. “He will o-obviously be the winner in all this!”

“Is that so…?” Junko turned to Toko, her face containing just a hint of a smile. “Should we go see if you’re right?”

After sneaking away from the track while Hina and Sakura tended to an exhausted Makoto, Junko led the group to the path that looped around the entire school campus. While everyone else hid in bushes again, Toko bounced around on her feet in plain sight, waiting for any sign of her beloved Byakuya.

“Y’know, it’s not just Byakuya on the team.” Hiro said to Junko, obviously unsure of how to handle Toko’s lovestruck attitude. “Taka’s pretty tough, and I think Sayaka’s got all her pop star exercises going for her. I mean, I don’t think they have any chance against the Ogre’s team, but they’re still pretty good. They’d probably beat Mondo, Chihiro, Kyoko and Hifumi easily. And right now I’d rank us below that team too.”

“Oh, have some more faith, Hiro! Mukuro will know just what to say to cheer you up,” Junko said before gesturing to her sister. However, Mukuro was still keeping an eye on Toko. “C’mon, Mukuro, she’s not going anywhere!” Junko giggled, and Mukuro immediately turned to Junko. “Here’s one of those times when your boring ultimate talent will come in handy! What do you think of Byakuya’s team? I’m sure you’ve already figured out their strengths and weaknesses!”

Mukuro said, “Well, Hiro’s mentioned all of their strengths. However, they have two big weaknesses that will lead their team to failure. One is Celestia Ludenberg’s general aversion to physical activity, especially given her typical getup. This might be rectified if they had a competent leader, but their other weakness will be Byakuya and his attempts to lead everyone.”

“What?!” Everyone turned around to see Toko glaring at Mukuro with more ferocity than usual. “Don’t you d-dare insult Byakuya like that! He’s on an entirely different level than everyone, and a-anything that he does in just one day will eclipse your entire life!”

“Um…” Hiro scratched his head. “Wouldn’t you be on a level lower than him, too?”

“O-Of course!” Toko blushed. “I’m not even worthy to breathe in the air he exhales, but, perhaps, if he were to be pitiful and look past how u-undeserving I am…” She clutched herself and sighed, too lost in the fantasy building in her mind. However, a prickly feeling on her neck forced her to stop her daydreaming and quickly turn around.

While everyone was whispering, Byakuya stopped in his tracks and glared right at Toko. The familiar look at disdain on his face was clear to Toko even from this distance. He waved off a confused Taka and turned towards her, obviously waiting for her to approach. Toko allowed herself a moment to let the rush of being noticed flow through her, and then shuffled over to Byakuya while wringing her hands.

"I will get right to the point. I don't need filth like you distracting my team from their training, so leave immediately." He towered over her with a glare that left her shaking where she stood.

"I-I only wanted to see you run! Sweat d-dripping down your face, shirt soaked with perspiration... oh, my head is swimming with all the different images your presence has graced me with!" Toko felt a bit of drool at the corner of her mouth, but she was too caught up in her fantasies to care. Putting up with her idiotic teammates was worth it for this moment alone.

"That's... sort of..." Sayaka mumbled as she and Celeste caught up to Byakuya and Toko.

"These scenarios are certainly more interesting than the one we are currently experiencing." Celeste smiled as if enjoying a small joke. However, her shoulders sagged and her makeup was smudged from sweat, distracting from the composed demeanor she tried to keep. Even her usually pristine hair had tilted to the side.

"Sh-Shut up!" Toko glared at Celeste. "You have n-no idea how privileged you are to have Byakuya's presence on your team!"

" _Enough_." The three girls jumped away from Byakuya as he clenched his fists and stared down his two teammates. "You two. Laps. Now." Sayaka and Celeste sighed in disappointment and started jogging along the track once more. Byakuya then turned to the bushes and said, "Your teammates behind the bushes should come out now as well."

Junko immediately bounced out of her hiding place and skipped over to where Toko and Byakuya stood. Hiro stumbled on some branches and then quickly followed. Junko shouted for her sister to join the party, and Mukuro quickly leapt out of the shadows to take her place behind Junko.

Before Toko could say anything to scare them off, Junko latched on to Toko's shoulder and grinned at Byakuya. "Hey, no kidnapping our teammate! She's a crucial piece to our ultimate victory in the race."

"G-Get off me!" Toko flailed under Junko's grip. Why was it that when one sister let go of her, another immediately grabbed on?

"...Heh."

Toko stopped struggling against Junko, suddenly very conscious of how silly she must have looked to Byakuya. "W-What is it, Byakuya?"

"There are so many things wrong about what Junko just said that I can't help but be amused by it." He smirked, but the cold glare of his eyes indicated anything but amusement.

Junko let go of Toko and faced Byakuya, feet firm on the ground and hands at her waist. Her confident smirk left Toko with a bad feeling in her stomach. "Is that right? What about my statement is incorrect?"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed slightly. "Very well, I'll indulge you. To start off, your premise is incorrect. Any race is destined to be won by a Togami just by their mere participation."

Though Toko felt like clasping her hands together in admiration from Byakuya's bold assertion, Junko yawned instead, not even breaking her stance. "Destiny is boring, boring, BORING! Got any other reason? Otherwise I'm feeling pretty confident here."

Byakuya clenched his teeth, getting annoyed at Junko's blatant disregard of his words. "That is a drastic oversight that will cost you one day, but seeing as you are too dull to understand the Togami legacy, I will break it down into common sense that even you can understand. First off," he started, pointing at Toko, "this girl is without a doubt the worst athlete in the classroom. The idea that she could be a crucial _anything_ in this race is a laughable one."

Toko felt a sharp pang of conflicting emotions. On one hand, it hurt to have Byakuya dismiss her so casually, even though every word he spoke was the truth. At the same time, knowing that Byakuya took time to even consider her abilities made her almost want to tug her braids in joy. He wasted no time in tricking or deceiving her about this, and Toko appreciated that more than anything. With baited breath, Toko waited for his next words to break her out of her stupor.

However, what Byakuya said next made Toko freeze altogether.

“Furthermore, if your… ‘plan’ to obtain victory in this race relies on her in any significant capacity, it is a flawed one from its very conception.”

...Flawed?

Toko suddenly felt like all the air escaped from her lungs, as if Byakuya’s words punched her in the gut. She felt a retort on the tip on her tongue, but she bit it to keep quiet. Why would she want to argue back? After all, _Byakuya_ was the one who spoke it. His words always contained the truth, and he was far above obfuscating reality with meaningless condolences. She always agreed with his evaluations of her… she was disgusting, worthless, and pathetic. Yet, he took the time to acknowledge her existence with these words, and the joy of hearing Byakuya speak about her so directly greatly eclipsed the pain she felt from the insults themselves.

What made “flawed” any different?

Toko barely paid attention to Junko’s argument with Byakuya, too caught up in her confused thoughts. It was only when she felt an uncomfortable pressure steadily building that that she realized everyone’s attention had somehow turned to her, probably waiting for some response to a question she didn’t hear.

Toko cleared her throat. “I… I don’t want to r-race...” To her surprise, she could barely hear her own voice, as it lacked the usual vitriol she put into every word she spoke.

Everyone else seemed startled by her tone as well, and even Byakuya seemed wary. Though Toko expected Junko to interject, Hiro was the first to respond.

“W-W-Wait, Toko!” Hiro jumped in front of Toko and started flailing his arms in front of her, perhaps in an attempt to get her attention. “This race totally counts as a gym grade, you know! You don’t want to fail gym class for something as stupid as not running!”

Instinctively, she brought up her arms to keep him away, in no mood to deal with his antics. It was enough to distract her from her thoughts though, and she felt some of her anger and irritation return. “I-I’ll be fine. And I don’t care if y-you fail just because you skipped out on some classes before for r-reasons I don’t care about.”

“Eep! C’mon Junko, help! You need her for this, right?” Hiro turned to Junko for help with his hands clasped together, looking as pathetic as possible.

“Sorry! If that’s what Toko wants, it’s what Toko wants! It’s not like I can force her to race. I mean, Mukuro could probably force her to train, but if Toko doesn’t want to do it, what’s the point?” Junko shrugged, as if Toko’s declaration didn’t affect her in the slightest. Toko clenched her hands, thinking about how this entire situation was Junko’s fault to begin with and now she was dismissing it as if it didn’t matter to her at all.

Hiro froze, and then slowly turned towards Mukuro. “...Can’t you help? Pretty please?” Mukuro stared straight ahead, unfazed by Hiro’s pleas. Finally, he threw his hands up in defeat and walked off with his shoulders slumped, mumbling something about needing to find a new school.

After watching Hiro sulk off, Toko turned her attention back to Byakuya, who still stared at her as if he wasn’t quite sure how to handle her. She squirmed under the look, but couldn’t find it in herself to say anything encouraging to him. For the first time in a long time, she found herself unable to speak to Byakuya, not out of shyness, but out of uneasiness. Finally, Byakuya broke his gaze and looked to the side, clearly discontent.

“I have no more time to waste on all of you. Your participation in the race is irrelevant to me, but don’t distract my team or me any longer with your presence.” With that, he jogged off to catch up to his teammates, not even looking back to make sure everyone else left.

“Well, that could have gone better!” Junko twirled a piece of hair on her fingers, looking as if the entire conversation had just been inconvenient for her. Though Toko couldn’t find the right words to speak to Byakuya, she found that responding to Junko was considerably easier.

“S-Shut up.”

“Ah, such a fantastic retort from our resident bookworm!” Junko chuckled and slung an arm around her sister’s shoulder. “C’mon, Mukuro, let’s get changed. My legs are getting cold, and at least my boots cover them up a bit.” Junko practically shoved Mukuro forward towards the school.

At hearing Junko’s words, Toko shivered and looked down at her legs, as if hearing someone else complain helped her realize how cold she was as well. She continued looking…

...and looking…

...and looking…

…and something clicked in her mind. Her feelings of confusion and discomfort from the past few minutes were completely replaced by a cold fear that the current chill outside couldn’t compare to. A wave of nausea hit her, but she somehow forced her arms to move. She haltingly placed her fingers on her upper thighs, where her scars had remained in clear sight for everyone to see.

_Oh._

\---

“C’mon, Toko!”

“Toko, listen to meeeeee!”

“I need your help for this, Toko!”

Over the next week, Hiro pestered Toko to run in the race at every possible opportunity. She scared him off each time, but he still tried to convince her regardless. Toko thought he had given up that day on the track, but apparently he got the idea that if he bothered her long enough, she would give in.

There was no way in hell she would ever let that happen. If she had her way, she would never set foot on that track again, or any of the other gym facilities for that matter. She didn’t even care if the gym teacher held her back a year for failing gym.

In the back of her mind, she knew she was being unrealistic. She would be expected to participate in gym eventually, and from past experience she knew nothing would convince the teachers and researchers otherwise. However, she wanted nothing more than to hide during that awful class so no one could see her scars again.

Suspecting people knew about her scars was not nearly as bad as knowing for a fact that people knew about them. She could easily deal with internal arguments that tormented her but ultimately went nowhere. However, she always had trouble discerning people’s thoughts, and the fact that some people saw them clearly was enough to set her on edge around everyone. Especially Byakuya.

It suddenly made sense to her why the use of the word “flawed” hurt her in such a way, and she only had to look at her thighs for the reason. They were proof that something was fundamentally _wrong_ with her. Normal people could be disgusting, worthless, and pathetic, since those could be traits that existed in almost everyone. But her existence was flawed.

The night she returned from the track, she pulled out a thesaurus in an attempt to better understand Byakuya’s choice of words. It was a tool that she relied upon many times while writing in the past, but as she scanned the pages now it felt like she was sealing her fate.

“Flawed: faulty, defective, unsound, imperfect”...

Each word pierced her, reminding her how _something was not right with her_. The scars on her thighs served as a reminder of something that should not exist within her, and yet no matter how much she stared at them, wishing that they would disappear, they stood out against her pale skin.

Toko did not blame Byakuya for her sudden misery, as he only pointed out a fact that she willfully ignored for so long. She highly doubted that he knew the true meaning of the scars since she was not being dragged off to the nearest jail, but he was still perceptive enough to recognize her for what she was: a flawed human.

She found it hard to face her classmates with this new knowledge. She was sure that a majority of classmates had come to this conclusion well before she did because of her pathetic attempts to hide her scars, and she wished they had told her their true feelings instead of obliging her for so long. Even Makoto’s offers of friendship seemed like acts of pity to her, and she wondered how he could pretend to put up with her for so long when she had been so obtuse.

Over the next week in classes, Toko was thankful for her seat in the corner of the classroom more than ever. That way, she could just stare out of the classroom and pretend none of her classmates were there. Most of them tried to bother her at first, but they quickly lost interest when she made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with them. Only Makoto and Hiro persisted, no matter how many times she insulted them. She was surprised that Junko didn’t try to convince her as well, but she was not about to question small blessings.

She knew she couldn’t keep this up forever, though. Between complaints from her classmates and the gym teacher, the researchers would get suspicious. They would only accept her typical antagonist nature as an excuse for so long. They would drag her back to class, and she would have to face everyone with the knowledge of how they truly felt about her. No matter what her feelings on the matter were, she needed to come to terms with the fact that people viewed her as flawed.

Despite her efforts though, she could not entirely cast away the hatred she felt for those who looked down on her even if she truly deserved it. The two conflicting viewpoints battled in her head until she felt more miserable than ever.

Between her self-loathing and her increasing disdain for her classmates, she reached the limits of her patience when Hiro decided to plead his case to her in the middle of the hallway.

As she tried to make her way to her next class, he blocked the pathway with a crudely constructed paper mache statue. She had to look at it for a moment before she realized it was meant to be her. Even worse, he waved around a huge banner that said, _“Please help me Toko!!!”_. People started to gather and complain about being late for class, but Hiro paid no attention to them as he continued to wave the banner in front of Toko.

Had she been in a better mood, she would have verbally eviscerated him on the spot. However, the emotional stress from the past week left her nearly speechless at this audacious display. She felt an icy cold fury envelop her. “ _What. Is. This._ ”

Hiro immediately froze at her words, but he attempted a weak smile and said, “I’m just trying to get your help, Toko! Nothing else is working, so I figured I’d make you a shrine in your honor and pray to you for assistance!”

Whispers started to fill the hallway, and to Toko it sounded like an irritating buzzing that just wouldn’t go away. She studied his display and tried to put together the words to scare him off for embarrassing her to such an extent. However, before she could come up with enough insults to make sure even he wouldn’t bother again, she spotted a small detail on his poor excuse of a statue of her and found that she suddenly forgot how to think about anything at all.

She immediately recognized the statue as an awful imitation of her because of the braids, even if they did stick out parallel to the ground. Moving past the head, though, she saw that the outfit painted on was not her school outfit, or even her favorite casual outfit, but her gym outfit. She felt ill as she forced her eyes farther down, only to see that a certain distinct feature was missing on the statue’s left thigh.

Was… Was he so disgusted by her scars that he couldn’t even force himself to replicate them? He most certainly saw them that day on the track, and in designing this… waste of resources, he definitely would have thought about putting them on. Neglecting to put them on when he was so obviously trying to gain her sympathies… he must have been trying to put Toko on a pedestal, downplaying anything that painted her as less than ideal.

But that was wrong. The scars marked her, branded her. Toko was still fundamentally… _flawed_.

Toko began breathing heavily, mind buzzing with raw anger. As if moving on their own, her feet began walking forward. Her body felt heavy, but somehow she made it to the statue. Toko took one glance at the statue’s face, and then pushed her arm forward and toppled the statue to the floor. Before anyone could react, she brought her foot down on the face and smashed it flat, bits of dried paper and glue crumbling around her shoe.

A tense silence filled the hall, everyone waiting to see what she would do next. She saw some motion from the back of the hallway, so she turned in the opposite direction and walked away without even sparing Hiro a glance. Some of her classmates started calling her name, but Toko kept a steady pace until the hallway thinned out.

Then, she sprinted forward until she reached her room in the dorms, her skirt nearly causing her to trip the entire time. She left a trail behind from the bits of statue still stuck in the cracks of her shoe, but she didn’t care.

After slamming the door shut and locking it behind her, Toko gasped for breath and collapsed onto her knees, already sweating from the run. She couldn’t even stand after running to her room, and people somehow expected her to win the race. She could almost laugh. Why did people expect anything from her?

As she tried to calm down, she listened to her heart beat fast and loud, and over time it decreased to the pace she was familiar with. A slow, pathetic crawl that wanted to resist going on.

Toko had no idea what came over her in the hallway. For a frightening second, she considered that the one thing she tried to keep hidden this entire year finally appeared to wreck havoc. However, she quickly dismissed the idea. She had not experienced the usual feeling of lightheadedness that came with losing consciousness. But if she lost the only tell of when her other side appeared… well, it was better not to consider scenarios that started with “but” or “if”.

That only left her with self-reflection, but she spent the past week doing that with no results. She did not particularly feel like starting that cycle up again. Instead, she laid back on the floor and stared at the ceiling, trying to come up with an idea for a novel that could take her far away from her idiotic classmates and her own awful existence.

She only came up with a few ideas of a heroine cruelly slaughtering the masses when she heard a knock on the door.

“Toko? Are you in there?” a nervous voice said from outside her room.

Toko flinched.

M-Makoto?!

Toko cursed to herself as she realized she forgot that one person would be bothersome enough to track her to her room. No doubt he witnessed that horrendous display in the hall and followed the pathetic mess she had left behind. Still, it was unusual that he followed her all the way here instead of waiting to talk to her during class, as he had previously tried over the past week.

She considered yelling at him to scare him off, but found that she did not have the energy to face him at the moment. She did not even have the energy to get up off the floor. Instead, she decided to wait for him to leave. Even Makoto would get bored waiting for some kind of response and go elsewhere. It was a strategy that proved quite effective over the past week.

No longer able to concentrate on her vague plot ideas, she just stared at the ceiling and listened to her clock as the seconds ticked by. A minute… five minutes… thirty minutes… Toko thought that perhaps she would get lulled to sleep by the repetitive ticks of her clock, but after an hour passed she still stared at the ceiling, waiting for the next second to tick by.

Her stomach growled, reminding her that she only had a light breakfast that morning, and it was almost time for dinner. Surely an hour was enough time for Makoto to get bored and leave. She slowly sat up, listening for any signs of life outside. However, she only heard the clock continue to tick away. Pushing herself up to her feet, she shuffled over to the door, confident that she could sneak over to the cafeteria in peace. She rotated the door handle carefully to avoid any noise, and then pulled open the door.

The first thing she saw was a very shocked Makoto, sitting in the hallway across from her room.

“Um… hi?” Makoto stared at Toko with an awkward grin on his face.

Toko couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t even look away from Makoto. Her face felt incredibly hot, though she didn’t know if it was from embarrassment or anger. Then, her stomach grumbled loud enough for Makoto to hear, and embarrassment won out.

Just as Toko remembered that she could slam the door in his face. Makoto jumped up and waved his arms frantically. “Um… wait! I could get something for you to eat!”

He was obviously fishing for an opportunity to talk to her, and if she agreed she would just be giving him what he wanted. However, she needed food, and the idea of meeting anyone else in this state seemed even more unbearable.

For the first time in a week, she gave in.

“...Fine.”

In the ten minutes it took Makoto to get her a sandwich, Toko paced around in her room and bit her nails as she thought about how Makoto waited outside her room for an entire hour. She couldn’t understand it. Usually, Makoto left Toko alone if she wanted to be left alone. Why did he act differently now? The thought lingered uncomfortably in the back of her mind. Maybe when he came back, everyone else would be standing behind him in order to gang up on her and mock her.

When Makoto knocked, she jumped, and approached the door with a feeling of trepidation. However, when she opened the door, he stood alone, two sandwiches and two water bottles in his hands.

She eyed the two sandwiches before grabbing one, taking a water bottle as an afterthought. She muttered, “What, do you t-think I’m a glutton?”

Makoto shook his head nervously. “N-No… I just got myself a sandwich for dinner, too. We could eat together, if you wanted.”

Toko almost said no out of spite. However, a sudden pang of hunger reminded her that he did help her, even though his motives were self-centered. Besides, he could pull a stunt like this again if she didn’t find out his motivation for acting like this in the first place. If she gave in one last time, she could get Makoto to stop bothering her once and for all.

Mustering up her resolve, Toko scowled and motioned to her room. Makoto smiled and stepped inside.

Even if she did say it was fine, she couldn’t believe Makoto managed to worm his way into her room again. Luckily this was not the first time Makoto entered her room, otherwise she would have felt much more anxious about his presence. Still, as soon as she told him off, she was sure he would never want to step foot in this room again.

After Toko closed the door behind them, she pulled out a chair from her desk. “Y-You can sit there if you want. Unless you l-like towering over others when the opportunity presents itself.”

“...No, sitting here is fine.” Makoto sat awkwardly on the chair, and Toko sat opposite him on her bed.

Not waiting for Makoto to speak, Toko tore off the wrapper and took a large bite out of her sandwich. If she wanted to chase Makoto away, she needed to do it on a full stomach. Makoto almost dropped his sandwich as he watched Toko eat, shocked by her sudden enthusiasm. Hesitantly, he pulled off the wrapper on his own sandwich and took a bite. For the next several minutes, both of them ate as an awkward silence loomed over them. If they both weren’t making obnoxious chewing noises, Toko felt like Makoto would be able to hear her heart beating nervously from across the room.

Finally, Makoto put down his sandwich and sat up straighter in his chair. He took a deep breath before asking, “Are you okay, Toko?”

Toko narrowed her eyes. “N-No. You’re loud when you eat. Or a-are you thinking about how disgusting I am with how I eat my food?”

“No… I’m just… worried about you in general?” He practically squeaked out those last words, as if he expected Toko to start berating him.

Toko carefully placed the remains of her sandwich on her bed, making sure to keep it in the wrapper to protect her bed from crumbs. “Do you r-resent me for wasting so much of your energy? Are you here out of some sort of self-sacrificing o-obligation?”

“Self-sacrificing obligation...? Toko, what gave you that idea?” Toko had rarely seen Makoto so confused, and for a second she thought that perhaps his reaction was more genuine than she had first assumed it would be.

Floundering for something to say, she spat out what first came to mind, “Don’t play i-innocent. I know that’s what everyone really thinks of me.”

“Toko, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But are you saying that you think everyone is just putting up with you?”

“D-Don’t put words in my mouth…”

Makoto placed his hands on his knees and stared straight at Toko. With his shoulders squared, Toko had to blink twice to reconcile this image with the nervous boy she’s known over the past several months.

“Toko, I want to be your friend. No, I _am_ your friend. Everyone’s your friend here. And if something is making you sad, I want to help you. I want you to talk to me about it.”

“R-Really?” Toko bit her nails as her heart beat unsteadily. “But this i-isn’t something you normally do. Forcing your way into my room... This is too out of character for you!”

Jumping in his seat slightly, Makoto said, “I asked first! But yeah, usually if you want space I’m fine with that. I’m honestly surprised that you’ve put up with me this much to begin with.”

Toko wanted to argue, but she wasn’t sure whether she would argue for or against his words, so her complaint died on her tongue. Instead, she fidgeted on her bed as she watched Makoto struggle to find the appropriate words for what he wanted to say.

“Usually I wait for you to talk about whatever’s bothering you. But… over the past week, you’ve been pushing everyone away nonstop. I’m just worried about you. And I think that as your friend I should ask what’s going on.” Then, Makoto smiled his warm smile, the smile that made Toko first consider him a friend to begin with. “We all want to be your friends. But you have to let us be your friends, too.”

“You, n-no, wait, I don’t…” Toko rubbed her head frantically, trying to think of anything articulate to say. Anything to say that Makoto was wrong. Anything to push him away. But the harsh words that usually came naturally to her were gone. “Augh… why don’t you hate me?! I was g-going to yell at you some more, and now you’re just saying these nice words to make me forget why!”

Makoto scratched his cheek awkwardly. “Well, you are… harsh a lot of the time, but I also know you’re a really good person too. So I can’t hate you.”

“A… good person?” Toko’s eyes widened, and she sat still on her bed. Good? Her? He didn’t even know _what_ she truly was, and he still called her good? “M-Makoto… you’re wrong…”

“Huh…?”

“I…” Toko took a deep breath. Despite her talent for weaving stories together, she just couldn’t think of any excuse to tell Makoto.

“Just tell me what you feel comfortable with, Toko. I’ll listen.” Between his words and his gleaming eyes, Toko’s felt herself unable to breathe. She suddenly felt as if she could tell him anything, and he would help make things alright.

“I don’t know how you manage to do that…” she mumbled, looking away before she gave into the urge of blurting out everything that was wrong with her.

“Huh?”

“N-Never mind. I have a question for you, instead. Why do _you_ think I’m so u-upset?”

There was a moment of silence as Makoto thought about what to say. Toko picked at a loose string on her blanket, unsure of where she wanted this conversation to go.

“Well… you ran off because of what Hiro built, right?”

“You s-saw that horrendous thing, then,” Toko said through clenched teeth.

“But Toko, that’s you!” Makoto gasped.

“I know what I-I’m saying.”

“Toko…” Makoto trailed off, as he looked to the side.

“W-Well? I suppose it makes sense you have no counterargument to that. It s-seems that...”

“...No, that’s wrong.”

“Huh?”

“There’s more to it than that. You’ve been acting differently all week. I think what Hiro did is part of why you’re upset, but you’re not saying the main reason it made you upset.”

“Huh?”

“It all started last week, and if I had to guess, probably around the time that the class started training for gym.”

“Huh?!” Toko’s mind was racing. How did Makoto catch on to that? Was he spending so much time with Kyoko that he was absorbing her skills like a sponge?

“But I don’t know what happened then, so _please_ tell me, Toko.”

“I… I… I…” Toko floundered for something to say. “It’s n-not something you haven’t noticed by now!”

“What?”

“Everyone knows it, don’t they? And they’re too disgusted to talk about it in my presence.”

“Toko…”

“Especially during gym! Everyone can see what a worthless person I am, and still no one bothers to bring it up!”

She barely registered Makoto slowly walking up to her. When he sat next to her on the bed, she wanted to scream at him for coming so close, but she was too caught up in saying the words floating in her head all week to push him away.

“This entire year has just been some cruel experiment on me, hasn’t it? And you all were paid to put up with me, even though you were so nice.”

“No! That’s not true!” Makoto’s hands clenched, and Toko looked at them rather than his face.

“And you all know I’m not normal, and I’m _flawed_. I’m flawed and I shouldn’t even be considered human and everyone else is happy and I think I could be sometimes but I’m _not_ and… and… and…” For the first time in years, Toko cried. Her sobs echoed across the room and she leaned onto Makoto’s shoulder and cried into it. Makoto’s fists uncurled, but after that he stayed still, letting Toko snot and tears fall onto his hoodie.

After a while, her tears dried but she still couldn’t stop her sobs. In between gasps for air she forced out, “Can’t… stop…”

Makoto raised the arm that Toko wasn’t leaning on, but let it awkwardly hover for a moment. “Um… is it okay if I…?”

Toko nodded into his shoulder, still shaking.

Hesitantly, he placed his hand and started rubbing her back back and forth. Toko stiffened under the touch, but slowly relaxed as she felt the gentle motion of his hand warm her entire body. Her rapid breathing slowed down until it matched Makoto’s, and she let herself forget everything except how nice the comforting gesture felt.

Eventually, Toko moved away from Makoto’s shoulder, and Makoto immediately withdrew his hand. They both stared at their feet until Toko finally spoke up.

"I’ve always tried to conceal my scars as best I could, but you've already noticed a while ago, haven’t you."

Makoto glanced at her for a second before quickly looking away. "...Yeah, sorry."

Even though Toko’s skirt was more than long enough to hide even her knees, she still wants to pull it down even further so that not even her shoes poked out. "You shouldn’t be sorry. It was a failure on my part to think that I could even try to hide it for so long.”

“No one judges you for it, Toko,” Makoto said gently.

“...So everyone else knows, too.” Toko noticed Makoto fidgeting in the corner of her eye, so she added, “Don’t try to make some sort of comforting statement on everyone’s behalf. To be comforted like that would be incredibly patronizing.”

“I know, but… everyone respected your decision to not talk about it.”

“That sounds incredibly hard to believe, considering some of our classmates.”

“But you know it’s true.”

Toko paused for a moment, almost afraid to voice her most important concern. “...Even Byakuya?”

Makoto gave a nervous laugh. “Well, he doesn’t talk about it. But you know how he thinks about others in general.”

“He thinks I’m worse than others in general, though.”

“How so?”

“He’s the one who called me flawed, after all.” Toko tried her best to explain to Makoto the significance behind the word, and the significance behind Byakuya saying the word. She vocalized all the negative thoughts she had throughout the week, and explained how Hiro’s tribute to her just reminded her of all those problems. Makoto took in every word, and when she finally finished Makoto scrunched his face, deep in thought. Finally, he jumped off of Toko’s bed, making her shriek and fall back onto the mattress. When she sat back up, she jolted from seeing Makoto pointing right at her.

“Toko, you care what Byakuya thinks, right?”

“O-Of course.” The abruptness of it all caused Toko’s voice to shake a little.

“I do too. For me, I accept Byakuya’s worldview, but at the same time I want him to accept my way of living.”

Toko laughed at that. “How would you even manage to do that? Byakuya is above everyone else, regardless of how you live your own life.”

“Yup, so I always try to prove myself on his terms.”

“...His terms?”

“So that he can’t look down on me if I challenge him and win. If I don’t win, that’s fine, because I can try again next time. I only need one opportunity for him to acknowledge my way of life.”

“That seems really pointless. There’s no way you could beat him in anything. He’s the heir to the Togami conglomerate.”

“That doesn’t mean I won’t try. And I think you should try too.”

“...Me?”

“If you prove yourself to him, he would have to acknowledge you.”

“Acknowledge me?” For a second she allowed herself to imagine a scenario in which Byakuya swept her up in his arms after she won a writing competition.

“Um, not in the way you’re probably thinking. But if you prove your worth to him, then wouldn’t that make what he said untrue?”

“But… that doesn’t make me a less flawed person.” Toko brushed her scars lightly. They felt like they weighed heavily on her thighs.

“No one’s perfect, Toko. Not even Byakuya. He needs to learn that. And maybe he’ll accept you, flaws and all. If you don’t do anything, then nothing will change. You’ll still be as sad as you are now.”

Toko considered Makoto’s proposal. She still found it hard to believe that she could be accepted with all her flaws, but Makoto’s confidence helped her lift her head in determination. For the first time in a week, she felt…

She felt hope.

“I’ll… I’ll try.”

“Great!” Makoto grinned. “I’m glad I could change your mind, Toko.”

“D-Don’t get all high and mighty!” Toko scowled. She jumped off her bed and yanked her door open, refusing to look at Makoto any longer. “Now go, b-before I scream and let everyone know you l-like forcing your way into girls’ rooms.”

Makoto leapt from the chair and chuckled nervously. “There’s no need for that, Toko.” He practically ran out the door, but stopped for a second. “If you need any help, Toko, I’ll be here for you.”

“...I know.”

She slammed the door in his face before he could notice the fondness in her eyes.

\---

Approaching Junko and Mukuro was the toughest thing Toko ever had to do. However, she made a decision and she intended to follow through with it. Even with Makoto’s offer to help, Toko knew that if she wanted to truly prove herself to Byakuya, this first step was something she needed to do herself.

She found the two sisters eating in the cafeteria by themselves. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with the interference of her other classmates. However, even with the perfect opportunity in front of her, she still found herself dragging her feet as she approached their table.

“Junko.” Toko’s voice cracked on the second syllable. She cleared her throat in an effort to make herself sound more confident than she actually felt. “Hello, Junko. Mukuro.”

Both of them placed their sandwiches down at the same time. Toko wondered if they practiced making their actions so unnervingly in sync.

“Yes, Toko?” Junko asked, a hint of a knowing smile on her face.

Not wanting to prolong her humiliation more than necessary, Toko blurted out, “I want to race after all.”

Junko rested her chin on her hand. Her smile made Toko think of an animal toying with its prey. “Oh? But I heard you told Hiro that you wouldn’t do it no matter what. And you even wrecked his peace offering to you!”

Toko flushed from both anger and embarrassment. She glanced away, finding it hard to keep eye contact with Junko. “Ignoring that abomination… I c-changed my mind.”

“Really?” Junko looked anything but surprised. Next to her, Mukuro remained as impassive as ever. Toko wondered if they expected this to happen. The thought almost make Toko walk away from them altogether, but the only thing that stopped her was what Makoto said.

_“If you don’t do anything, then nothing will change. You’ll still be as sad as you are now.”_

She wanted to be acknowledged. Not just by Byakuya, but by her classmates as well. With that in mind, she squared her shoulders and looked straight at the sisters. She spoke her next words slowly and deliberately. “I… I want to win. I want to prove that I _can win_.”

“Well, that’s that I suppose!” Junko clapped her hands together, and jumped up from her seat.

Toko blinked, surprised that Junko didn’t drag it out more. “Huh?”

“Well, you’re still the centerpiece in the team, Toko, and ultimately it will be up to you to win. However, we have a lot of work ahead of us to even get to that point!”

“...Huh?!”

“Oh man, I’ve got to talk to everyone… it’s going to be busy busy _busy_! Who do I even start with?” Junko giggled and turned to the door. Without looking back, she skipped away, but not without some parting words.

“Mukuro, I leave Toko to you!”

Toko stood still, unsure of what to make of Junko’s sudden exit. She slowly turned to Mukuro, looking for some kind of explanation. Mukuro wiped her hands with a napkin and then stood up, brushing some stray crumbs off her skirt. She offered Toko a small smile, finally breaking her impassive expression.

“Let’s get changed and go to the track, Toko. We have a lot of work to do over the next week. We should also find Hiro. He seemed close to crying the last time I saw him.”

Despite the nervousness building up in Toko at Mukuro’s words, she refused to regret her decision.

And when they finally found Hiro, Toko almost didn’t mind when he hugged her in relief, bawling about how she was his savior.

She still shoved him away, though.

\---

Over the next week, Toko expected to be forced to run dozens of laps nonstop to get the fastest time possible. However, she was surprised when Mukuro told her to only come to the track for an hour before and after classes, and to have meals with her.

“It would have been much more ideal to have a month to train for this,” Mukuro explained as she showed Toko and Hiro how to stretch before their first training session. “As it is, we only have enough time to get you used to running. With this, you should be able to pace yourself through one lap, at least. The food you’ll eat will also help. You too, Hiro.”

Hiro whined about the food plan but one glare from Mukuro shut him up.

Mukuro had Toko jog around the track at a light pace, nowhere near Hiro’s speed as he jogged lap after lap without breaking a sweat. Apparently, Hiro’s experience with some less than savory clientele helped him become an excellent runner.

Toko, on the other hand, could barely manage one lap before gasping for breath. Each footstep  felt awkward and tiresome, and she wanted to curl up into a ball when she was done. After Toko ran several laps like this, Mukuro shook her head and brought Toko to the side of the track to teach her some running and breathing techniques. To Toko’s dismay, Mukuro pulled her arms up higher as she explained how Toko’s habit of keeping her hands firmly against her thighs didn’t help her at all.

“B-But,” she stammered, still out of breath, “I n-need to k-keep my hands there!”

Mukuro raised an eyebrow. “There’s no reason to hide those scars, Toko.”

Toko found herself at a loss of words. None of her classmates had addressed the scars so directly before. “B-But… h-how _dare_ -”

“I don’t have any battle scars because I am the Ultimate Soldier,” Mukuro interrupted. “If I did, though, I would not hide them. They would be a sign that I am still alive. I survived my battles. And you’re alive here, too.”

Mukuro continued to move Toko’s arms to show the proper movement for running, but Toko barely paid attention. Mukuro knew _nothing_ about the origin of those scars, and yet she still thought Toko should show them off? Toko felt the urge to yell at Mukuro, but her shock Mukuro’s nonchalance outweighed her anger and left her speechless.

“Alright, try running again like that,” Mukuro said as she moved away from Toko back to the start of the track.

“...Fine.” Toko glanced in confusion at Mukuro one more time before heading down the track in a daze.

As Toko ran the lap again, she found that she could move forward without feeling like she was forcing her body to run. Her hands moved in time with her legs, and more air seemed to flow into her lungs. When Toko completed the lap, she refused to comment on how her time significantly improved. Her hands slid back to cover the front of her legs, but not as quickly as before.

“You should do three more laps, and then we’ll get Hiro, stretch, and finish this training session,” Mukuro said. “It’s almost dinner as well, so we’ll go eat together.”

“D-Do you really not care?” Toko blurted out, still shocked that Mukuro lacked any sort of negative reaction at seeing her scars.

“I’ve said my feelings on the matter. Now, let’s get back to training.” Mukuro didn’t allow for another opportunity to talk, and immediately walked to the side to prepare for Toko’s next lap.

As Toko got into position, she felt her opinion of Mukuro improve just slightly.

For the rest of the week, Toko’s training sessions remained similar to the first one. She would stretch, run several laps, and stretch once more, following Mukuro’s instruction the entire time. Mukuro did not push Toko to run as fast as possible, so Toko ran at her own slow pace. Hiro would pass her over and over, but she ignored how slow she was, and focused on her own progress. Even so, the first several sessions were tough on her, leaving her breathless.Toko tried to push off the exhaustion, reminding herself every time she thought of giving up that this was all for the sake of proving herself to Byakuya. It was the motivation she needed to return to the track for more training.

Makoto occasionally visited the track while she was training, and she would take comfort in his support as well. He watched with eager eyes as she completed a lap, and then gave her a thumbs up without fail. She returned the gesture hesitantly at first, but each day she returned the gesture faster than before.

Outside of the track, spending meals with Mukuro and Hiro was not as bad as Toko had first anticipated. Other than instructing Toko and Hiro on what to eat, Mukuro remained silent throughout the meal. Hiro made a show of complaining about the food, but before long he was shoving the food down like it was the tastiest meal ever. As disgusted as she was by Hiro’s manners, it felt somewhat reassuring that everyone would pay attention to him instead of her when they looked at the table. Toko mostly ate in silence, but occasionally hissed a scathing comment whenever Hiro tried to talk to her.

They weren’t the ideal tablemates for Toko, but she found them tolerable.

Junko rarely showed up, but Toko didn’t question it.

Closer to the end of the week, Toko discovered that she did not feel as tired leaving the track as she had before. Even when not running laps, each breath she took seemed to fill her lungs more and the world seems just a bit brighter. She felt restless rather than drowsy in class, and sleeping in her bed at night had never been so relaxing.

It shocked her. She never expected to be anything but miserable from spending so much energy running in a circle over and over again. Even if she wouldn’t tell anyone else, she gained just a bit more respect for the ultimate athletes of the class.

However, throughout all the laps she ran and all the progress she made, she wondered how her minimal skills in running would help her team win. She had only managed to reliably run a lap without her body giving out on her, but her speed was still slow. How was she supposed to be the centerpiece of the team, as Junko called her? No matter how she thought about it, the fact remained that the other teams had better athletes, and she was still undoubtedly the worst student in gym. Even Hifumi managed to run several laps easily, despite his size. It seemed impossible for her to even compete.

Not to mention the problem of having her legs exposed to the class during the day of the actual race.

Toko slowly found that she could run, hands at her sides, in Mukuro’s, Hiro’s, and occasionally Makoto’s presence with only a tinge of discomfort. She fought that discomfort with the idea of proving herself to Byakuya. However, exposing her legs willingly to the entire class during the race still caused her to freeze with anxiety whenever she thought about it. She tried to push off the idea, but it continued to linger in the back of her head, waiting to drag her down again.

\---

The evening before the race, Junko finally revealed her secret plan to the team.

“Alright everyone! I’m so proud of all of you! You’ve been working hard and I know we can win if we can give it our best effort!” Junko cheered.

“B-But… you weren’t even training with us…” Toko muttered, glaring at Junko as she jumped up and down with excitement.

“I wasn’t, but don’t worry about that! I’ll be here tonight, so we can practice passing the baton. That’s where our teamwork will shine! But more importantly, I’ve been busy working on some things behind the scenes!”

“C’mon Junko, just tell us what’s going on!” Hiro whined, wiping some sweat off his forehead from their previous training session.

“Alright, I hear you Hiro! So normally in races with several members, the fastest person on the team goes last, right? Their fastest person can give the best speed if they’re not in first, and voila! A come from behind victory!” Junko paced back and forth as she talked, practically bursting with excitement because of her idea.

“I guess…” Toko said, unsure where Junko was going with this.

“Well, that’s no fun if you want to compare the fastest people on the team! All the fastest people start at different times, so no one knows who would have won if the fastest people were trying to race against each other!”

“But… it’s not a race against each other. Isn’t this a team race?” Hiro asked.

“It can be both, actually!” Junko waggled her finger at Hiro in disappointment, like an exasperated teacher waiting for the students to catch on to the material. “I’ve talked with the other teams, and they’ve agreed to order their members from the best runner to the worst runner!”

Toko paled. “No, then that m-means…”

Junko grinned. “That’s right, Toko! It’s up to you to get our come from behind victory! It was always going to be a come from behind victory for you anyway, considering you’re the worst athlete in the class… but oh, isn’t this more exciting? A competition on multiple levels! Something I’m sure the schools wants to see out of its ultimate students!”

“Um… are you sure this is a good idea, Junko?” Hiro said.

“Of course it is! What better way to create a story of hope than to have the worst athlete become the key cornerstone of our victory? A tale of redemption! I can’t imagine any bigger hope than that!”

Toko couldn’t say anything, overcome from the pressure suddenly placed on her.

“Now, let’s spend the rest of the evening practicing passing the baton!” Junko grabbed the stick from Mukuro, who remained as stoic as ever. “Wouldn’t want to mess up when it really mattered!”

The team practiced handing off the baton for two hours. Based on the rules that Junko set, Mukuro would run first, then Hiro, then Junko, and finally Toko. As a result, Toko did not need to worry about passing the baton. She would only need to accept it from Junko. It was a simple three step process: grab, turn, run. She needed to grab the baton from Junko, turn in the direction that she needed to run, and then let her training from the past week take over. It would be quicker to have Junko place the baton in Toko’s hand with Toko turned in the proper direction to run, but Junko pointed out that under the stress of the competition Toko might jump from unexpected contact. Toko reluctantly agreed with her assessment.

Toko thought that she would have trouble running with the baton. However, after repeating the motions Toko barely noticed it in her hands as she jogged down the track. She became familiar with the way Junko handed it off, and she felt that she would be able to grab onto it when under pressure during the race.

After the last round of practice, Junko called everyone over for a final group meeting.

“Based on my analysis of the other groups, here is what we’ll be facing: Byakuya’s group will race in the order of Byakuya, Taka, Sayaka, and Celeste. Then there’s Mondo, Kyoko, Hifumi, and Chihiro. Most importantly, the athlete group is Sakura, Hina, Leon, and Makoto.”

“Leon is after Hina?” Hiro said. “I would have thought it’d be the other way around.”

“Well, even though Hina is the Ultimate Swimmer, she excels in many other sports as well, one of which is track,” Mukuro spoke up. Toko wondered if Mukuro had some sort of database in her mind full of everyone’s strengths and weaknesses.

Junko tapped her finger against her forehead and continued, “The first leg of the race will be the top athletes in the groups, so I will leave Mukuro to deal with that.” Mukuro gave a single nod to her sister, as if the responsibility was as important as any order she may have received on the battlefield. “Hiro, I don’t want you to think about who you’re racing against. Don’t think. Just run, and that’s all we need.”

“If you say so, Junko!” Hiro shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll not think harder than I have my entire life!”

“That’s the spirit! And I know what to do, don’t worry. So that just leaves Toko.” Everyone turned to Toko. Toko glared at Junko with apprehension.

“W-Well… what’s your brilliant strategy for me?”

“You have the most important part of the race, of course, so this is important: it’s actually doable for you! Your opponents are Makoto, Chihiro, and Celeste. You are the worst athlete in the class without question, but you are not outclassed by them. You can compete on the same level as them. Whether you win or lose, it’s ultimately because of you.”

“I can compete…” Toko thought about Junko’s words and realized that they were true. If she tried hard enough, she could keep up with everyone.

And maybe...

“Well, that’s enough practice for today!” Junko interrupted Toko’s thoughts. “Get a good night’s sleep, and see you bright and early tomorrow! I can’t wait!”

The group dispersed, and Toko made her way to the girls’ locker room in a haze. She could actually do it! She worked so hard this whole week, and maybe it would actually pay off. She could win the race despite everyone’s expectations.

And Byakuya would acknowledge her, flaws and all.

Toko pressed a thumb down on one of the scars, feeling the jagged ridges that cut across otherwise smooth skin. She still hated them, hated _her_ for it, but it would always be a part of her. She would never tell anyone this, but the best feeling of the week didn’t come from breathing in fresh air after pushing herself into finishing a lap, or enjoying the comfort of her bed after collapsing from an exhausting but rewarding day.

It came from the looseness of her muscles as she stretched her arms to the sky. It came from the peace that sunk into her bones because she didn’t have the urge to curl in on herself. It came from the ability to hold her head high because she didn’t have to hide all the ugly things about herself.

Alone in the locker room, Toko smiled.

\--

Early the next morning, Toko dragged herself out of bed. Her entire body ached with the feeling of waking up much too early. Still, she tried to shake it out of her bones as she gathered the clothes she had set aside the previous night. For better or worse, the race was happening today.

The gym teacher set the time for the race early in the morning, since it was the only time the students were available outside of their scheduled gym class. Toko added it to the ever growing list of reasons that she resented the man as she made her way through the school halls to the gymnasium. She spotted several of her classmates along the way, and she took some comfort in the fact that most of them looked as tired as she felt. She even spotted Hiro practically sleepwalking as he made his way to the gym. Once he started walking into a wall, though, she scowled and grabbed onto one of his dreadlocks, dragging him with her. His pitiful wailing was enough to properly wake her as she dragged him to the gym.

The gym teacher stood near the gym entrance with a clipboard in hand. “Ah, Hiro! Toko! Cutting it close, but you’re still on time!” He made two marks on his clipboard. “Oh, make sure to do your best in the race today! You two could use the boost in your grade!”

Before Toko could make a retort about he must be a lousy teacher if they were doing so poorly, he moved on to the next group of students entering the room.

Next to her, Hiro wilted. “If we don’t do well I’m as good as gone! I’ll flunk out of school and then I’ll definitely die! This isn’t good...”

“S-Stop exaggerating…” Toko pushed him over to the center of the room, where other students had gathered. Byakuya was near the edge of the group, and she risked looking at him. However, he didn’t even look in her direction, as he was busy lecturing his teammates.

Toko took a nervous gulp. Maybe today, Byakuya would have a reason to look at her. She tugged at her braid and tried to forget about him for the moment.

She shifted her eyes and focused instead of the person standing in front of Byakuya, facing the brunt of his speech. It was Celeste, and she looked bored as she stood there, not even paying attention to Byakuya. Toko was fighting off the momentary flare of jealousy that always came when Byakuya chose to talk to someone else, when suddenly Celeste stiffened at something Byakuya said. The sudden flare of anger in her red eyes was unmistakable. It was almost immediately concealed though, and Celeste gave Byakuya a polite smile before turning towards the girls’ locker room, even though she already had her gym outfit on.

Toko thought about sneaking after Celeste to see what Byakuya had ordered her to do, when she heard someone call her name.

“Toko! Hiro!” Makoto entered the gym and immediately walked towards them. He smiled, “Ready to race?”

Toko scowled, “It’s too early for you t-to be so cheerful.” She glanced at the rest of her classmates. Other than Celeste, everyone was present in the gym, and they all seemed seemed to be getting more excited as they waited. Toko wondered if the enthusiasm was infectious, and if she might end up catching it.

Makoto shrugged, “Well, I wouldn’t say cheerful... Hina shouted in my ear this morning to make sure I wasn’t drowsy for the race.”

“I wish someone would scream in my ear to wake me out of this nightmare…” Hiro was crouched down next to them, still shaking in fear.

“D-Don’t act as if we lost already!” Toko yelled at her teammate. “If curling up in a ball made things better then you shouldn’t have even left your room! You worked this hard to win, so at least see it through.”

“Y-You’re right! I’ve been working hard… I even got you to race with the team! I can win! I can win!” Hiro started to shout encouragements at himself. Toko clenched her jaw at what Hiro said, but Makoto grabbed her shoulder.

“I don’t think anything you say right now will get through to him,” Makoto said. “But you should focus on how you’re here. I’m really happy you’re going to race with us.”

“W-Well, I’m here to prove myself to Byakuya.” Toko was surprised that she didn’t feel the impulse to shy away from his touch.

Makoto pulled away a second later and grinned. “I hope you do. Good luck!” He turned around and walked to some other classmates, and Toko scowled at the back of his head.

He always spoke as if things were that simple.

Toko paid little attention to the gym teacher as he organized the students and led them out to the track. The ground was still wet with morning dew, and Toko avoided walking off the pavement. She felt like she might slip during the race if water collected at the bottom of her shoes. Something like that could definitely happen to her.

Everyone gathered at the lines marking the start of the track. The gym teacher allowed allowed everyone ten minutes to prepare themselves before the race, so they split off into their groups to stretch. Celeste still hadn’t returned, but Toko didn’t have an opportunity to wonder about it since Junko and Mukuro immediately pulled her aside to prepare.

Mukuro began to lead a stretch for the team, and after a moment’s hesitation Toko joined in. Toko went through the familiar routine, now ingrained into her body. Occasionally, Mukuro stared at her as she went through her own stretches, nodding in approval.

“You’ve improved a lot this week, Toko,” Mukuro said as soon as they finished stretching. Toko’s eyes widened at the praise. “The training all led up to this race, and you will definitely perform better than if you had not trained at all.”

“Well, it only m-matters if we win...” Toko nudged a pebble with her shoe. “Are you looking for compliments on your leadership or something?”

Junko said, “Nah, Mukuro doesn’t care about that! She’s just cheering you on in her own way!”

“I agree with Toko here,” Hiro chuckled nervously. “Let’s leave the praise until after we win, alright?”

“I get it, we leave something to look forward to!” Junko turned to Toko and posed dramatically, hands on her hips. “Toko, for all your hard work, I will give you the best compliment ever when we win!”

“T-Thanks…?” Toko didn’t like the feeling of being put on the spot, but she had bigger things to focus on for this race, so she pushed Junko’s words to the back of her mind.

Suddenly, the gym teacher blew his whistle, signifying that all the groups should get into position. Mukuro gave one last salute to her team before joining all of the other first runners at the start of the track. The team members not running yet stayed to the side, waiting for the area to clear so they could take position as soon as the starting area cleared. Toko stayed near the back of the crowd since she was in the last group to run. She peered over the heads of her classmates to see that the gym teacher had finished passing batons to each of the first runners: Mukuro, Sakura, Byakuya, and Mondo.

“This is it, I suppose.”

Toko jumped from the unexpected voice next to her, and turned only to freeze in shock.

Celeste stood next to her, hands in her jacket pockets. She looked straight ahead, mouth fixed in a hard line.

Most importantly, Celeste’s head lacked the decadent spiral pigtails that she was known for. She had a short haircut, reminding Toko of Mukuro’s practical hairstyle. It would be a fashionable haircut for a normal girl, but on Celeste it seemed plain.

“W-W-What…?” Toko stuttered, trying to come up with anything to say.

“You probably guessed by now,” Celeste said, still staring forward, “but your beloved Byakuya told me to change my hair, lest he tear off the hair himself.”

Toko would have gladly taken Byakuya up on that offer at one point, but now…?

Celeste played with a strand of her hair, one of the strands apparently not of the wig. “I want to go for the optimal outcome in this race, but I wonder if the situation has changed, now.”

“What’s your point?” Toko hated how vague Celeste liked to be.

“Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter much for you. Anyway, I’ve noticed that you’re vying for his attention with this race. I have no interest in your success, but I wonder how Byakuya might react.” The corner of Celeste’s mouth turned upward just slightly. “I wish you luck.”

“Thanks?” As Celeste walked away, Toko thought back to the beginning of this entire event. Mukuro called Celeste the weakness to Byakuya’s team. Was this what she was talking about?

The entire conversation left her wary of the Queen of Liars.

“Toko!”

Toko shook her head to clear her thoughts, and looked at Junko. Junko was frantically gesturing for Toko to move closer to her, so Toko sighed and joined her teammate.

“You better be focused on the race, you hear?” Junko hissed.

“O-Of course. What do you take me for?” Toko said.

“Sometimes I wonder…”

Before Toko could ask what Junko meant, the gym teacher blew his whistle and the first runners sped off from the starting position. Toko blinked rapidly, caught off guard.

“Aww! We missed the start!” Junko pouted, but Toko didn’t bother to pay attention to her.

The first runners from the groups dashed away almost faster than Toko could keep track of them, leaving a dust trail as they sped forward. Toko was surrounded by the cheers of her classmates, but she felt too nervous to join them. She didn’t know if she would end up shouting Mukuro’s or Byakuya’s name if she started to cheer, so she bit her nail as she watched the racers pass the first corner of the track after only a few seconds.

After the second turn, Mukuro and Sakura still led the group, racing faster than Toko had ever seen a human move. Byakuya and Mondo were farther back, but they were much closer to the two juggernauts in front than would be possible for any normal person. However, Toko could tell that Byakuya struggled to even keep pace with Mondo. She felt a slight sting of dejection when she realized that despite his claims of ultimate perfection, he would still fail to place first in this group of elites.

Or perhaps…

Toko had a sharp intake of breath.

Perhaps he wasn’t as perfect as she wanted to believe in the first place. Perhaps he was fallible, like her.

Toko’s world spun from this revelation. For the past several months, she truly thought that Byakuya was perfection incarnate. However, to be so thoroughly outclassed on this track, perhaps Byakuya hid some weaknesses as well?

To shake off the dazed confusion that filled her head, she tried to focus on the race again. The first group of runners approached the beginning of the track, where the next group of students had already lined up. Between Mukuro and Sakura, she couldn’t tell who pulled out in front for the final dash, but Hina took off like a bullet as soon as the baton Sakura held touched her hand. Hiro quickly took off after her, holding onto his own baton, but Hina had the advantage of experience on her side and quickly gained some distance.

As Sakura and Mukuro walked out of the way, they gave each other a small smile and a nod of respect. Toko had a feeling that no one but them would know the result of their own personal race.

Of the two remaining first runners, Byakuya edged out slightly over Mondo. He passed the baton off to Taka, and not a second later Mondo passed his baton off to Kyoko. Taka dashed forward with a passionate shout, determined to catch up with the teams farther ahead. Kyoko kept a steady pace, apparently not bothered about the fact that she was left behind.

As Taka quickly caught up to Hiro, Byakuya glared at the two remaining members of his team. He warned, “You better be prepared to run as if your life depended on it.”

Sayaka gulped nervously as she prepared to run, and Celeste kept her eyes closed as she smiled.

Toko felt the seconds pass as they ticked closer and closer to when she would have to run. Oh, she couldn’t do it! Why did she ever think she had a chance? And all of the people who had faith in her, she would only let them down. Her team, Makoto, and even the entire class… they would only remember what a disgusting failure she was. And why did she ever think she could prove herself to Byakuya? No matter what flaws Byakuya might have, they could never compare to someone like her.

Toko’s breaths got more and more shallow, and she needed something to focus on. The current runners were all the way across the track at this point, too far away to reasonably watch. The next group of runners had already lined up. Junko was tightening her pigtails, happy-go-lucky as always. Leon was stretching to show off to a distracted Sayaka. Sayaka was glancing nervously between Byakuya and Taka, leaving Leon flustered and disappointed. Hifumi was getting in some last minute stretches.

None of it stopped her rushing heart as each beat made her curl in on herself more and more. The scars on her legs loomed larger and larger.

Why was this still happening to her? This whole idea was supposed to prove herself! To Byakuya, to her classmates… and maybe to herself as well. But here she was, cowering in a pathetic hunch as usual. She felt frustrated tears gather in the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

“Toko?”

Toko flinched from the voice behind her. Why did that person always show up at her worst moment?

“Makoto, I can’t do this.” She had to force each word out of her mouth, “I’m only going to fail after all the hard work that everyone did for my sake. All the hard work _you_ did for my sake!”

She wanted the words to scare him away, to show him that she was a lost cause, but instead she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

“Toko,” Makoto said, “it’s okay to be nervous! Everyone feels nervous. Please don’t put yourself down because of it. I think you should still try your best, and that would make it even more impressive.”

Nervous? She was nervous as she entered the gates to Hope’s Peak Academy. She was nervous when she submitted her first manuscript.

However, looking at her bare thighs, she remembered the terror of giving the person she thought was her friend a love letter, only for him to post it in public for everyone to make fun of.

She felt _exposed_.

“...Do you want to race?” Makoto asked.

She turned around, forcing his hand off her shoulder. She looked directly into his eyes and said, “I do! I want to _win_!”

And that was the worst thing about it all. She felt rooted to the spot, but she wanted _so much_. She wanted to win, she wanted to be liked, she wanted to not be plagued by the constant threat that lurked within her...

“Then do it!” Makoto’s eyes blazed, and he clenched a fist close to his chest. “If this time doesn’t work, try for the next time! Don’t lose hope now!”

His words reverberated within Toko. The conviction in his voice was infectious, and as she looked down at her legs suddenly they seemed powerful enough to carry her through this race and beyond. All the tension in her body melted away and she took a deep breath.

“How do you always know what to say, Makoto?” She couldn’t disguise the awe she felt at her classmate, no, at her closest friend.

“Well, I think everyone could use some words of encouragement in a situation like this,” Makoto said.

Toko smiled.

Makoto looked past her and paled. “Oh no, the third set of racers already left! We gotta get in position!”

“Wait, alread-”

“Hurry!” He grabbed Toko’s hand and dragged her to their starting positions on the track. Toko was closest to the inner field, while Makoto stood next to her. Celeste was next to Makoto, and Chihiro was on the outer lane.

Toko looked behind her, and saw the third group of racers already approaching them. Between Hina and now Leon, the athlete team had taken a clear lead. Junko and Sayaka raced for second, and Hifumi trailed behind.

Toko frowned. Did Hiro and Junko lose their lead? The last thing she needed was more pressure, but she would have to make due with it.

As Leon sped closer, Chihiro spoke up from the other end of the track, “Good luck, everyone!”

“Yeah!” Makoto said.

Celeste smiled and said nothing.

Toko nodded, and looked at Makoto one last time. Makoto gave her a thumbs up, and she returned the gesture. It felt unfamiliar, but it comforted her nonetheless.

She had no idea how she would win this race, but she was determined to try her best regardless.

She prepared herself to watch Makoto dash in front of her when Leon approached the start, but she had no way to prepare herself for what happened next.

In fact, almost no one could anticipate what happened next.

Leon dashed past Makoto and into the center field shouting, “Woo! I won! Way to go team!” He still held the baton and twirled it, trying to show off some fancy tricks.

The entire class dissolved into what Toko could only call a riot. Half of the class that had already finished racing started laughing. Hina, barely exhausted from her own lap, shouted at the top of her lungs at Leon. Sakura glared at him, and Toko suddenly feared for her life for even witnessing that glare. Makoto, flabbergasted for several seconds, ran towards the center of the field to try to get Leon back to the track. Leon still needed to pass off the baton to Makoto, after all.

Toko looked behind her and paled. Junko stopped in the middle of the track, just a couple seconds from Toko, to point and laugh at Leon. Toko felt a hatred unlike anything else flare within her for Junko.

Junko, incompetent, selfish, airheaded _Junko_ could not ruin this for her! Toko tried screaming at her teammate, but her shrill cries were overshadowed by the continued laughter of her classmates.

Sayaka was one of the few who did not get distracted by Leon’s hijinks. She passed the baton off to Celeste with a smile on her face. Toko felt her heart sink as she realized Celeste could easily win the race now, without Toko even getting to try.

However, Celeste did not take off once the baton was handed to her. She did not sprint. She did not even run, not really. Celeste began a light jog, no quicker than a fast paced walk, down the track. The gym teacher was too distracted by Leon to call Celeste out on it, but Byakuya immediately started threatening her for her slow pace. Celeste maintained the steady pace under the barrage of loud insults.

Hifumi was making his way down the final stretch of the track when Makoto finally reached Leon and explained the situation to him, resulting in a loud “YOU’RE ON MY TEAM?!” Toko breathed a sigh of relief as Junko finally gathered herself and ran the remaining distance to Toko.

Toko didn’t even want to bother with Junko, so she held her hand out for the baton, just like in practice. Grab, turn, run. She would hopefully catch up with Celeste before Makoto and Chihiro joined the race.

As the cold metal of the baton hit her hand though, she felt Junko tug the baton slightly, so her head ended up right beside Junko’s. Junko whispered in her ear, and the words felt dark and heavy in her body.

“I wonder what will win? Your hope or your despair? It’s up to you Toko! Now get out there! Puhuhuhu!”

Toko shuddered, and felt Junko simultaneously let go of the baton while pushing her with her free hand. Toko skipped over her feet as she was propelled forward, but she finally found her footing and began her dash forward on this final lap.

She refused to let herself get distracted by Junko’s ominous words. Junko probably found this whole race to be a spectacle. She backed the least likely person to succeed just to see if she could make a change.

Even so, none of it mattered to Toko. Her desire to win wasn’t fabricated, and it was the only thing she would allow herself to believe in as she ran this lap.

Each step felt natural and fluid thanks to her week of practice with Mukuro. Her shoes slapped against the pavement at a steady pace, and Toko even dared to run even faster than what she was comfortable with. It was still a relatively slow pace, but for Toko it was the difference between a snail and a cheetah. Still, Toko knew that once she reached the halfway point, exhaustion would start to set in. She kept it in her mind that it was a short distance, but she knew it would drag her down at some point.

Toko powered through a quarter of the lap before catching up to Celeste, who was still jogging at the same leisurely speed that she had started with.

“Oh dear, I’ve already lost first place for us,” Celeste said, not even sounding out of breath. There was a mischievous glint in her eye, much more than her poker face usually revealed. “Perhaps I’ll try harder once our gym teacher stops acting like a buffoon.”

Toko didn’t respond. Instead, she pushed herself even more, trying to put as much distance as possible between herself and Celeste. From the sound of it, Celeste would make an effort to catch up only when the gym teacher was paying attention.

Which would probably be when Makoto started to race.

Toko glanced towards the start of the track, now the finish line for her. Leon and Makoto were still making their way back, and Hifumi had just passed the baton to Chihiro. Chihiro ran the slowest out of all the members on her team, but she still had the potential to catch up to Toko at her current pace if Toko slowed down at any point.

No, Toko couldn’t let herself get distracted at any point. Not by Chihiro, or Celeste, or Junko. She just needed to focus on her running.

Her breathing started to sound loud in her head.

She tried to imagine that she was at practice, instead of running the race. Her feet would still be pushing her forward, but it would only be Mukuro at the finish line, watching like a hawk for any tips she would need to give Toko. Hiro would be jogging ahead, bound to lap Toko in a minute or so. Toko would only need to worry about finishing the lap, not about how fast she was. It would be evening, just after classes had ended, so she wouldn’t have to worry about any other responsibilities that day. She would have dinner to look forward to after finishing the lap. The evening breeze would be cool and refreshing on her sweaty skin.

However, the weight of the baton in her hand anchored her to reality.

Toko blinked, and focused on the expanse of track in front of her. Did she… yes, she reached the halfway point! She took a moment to smile, but when she looked back to the start of the track her smile immediately fell.

Makoto had finally started to run, and he was much faster than Chihiro, Celeste, or herself. Toko did not want him to throw the race for her sake, but his presence now made winning much harder. Chihiro slowly approached her as well, keeping the same steady pace that she had started with. Celeste was behind Chihiro, but she had started to speed up with the gym teacher finally paying attention.

All of them would quickly catch up with her.

Toko could push herself for this final half, but she risked getting exhausted much sooner from pacing herself poorly. She looked down at her feet as they carried her forward. Left, right, left right… each time her left leg pushed off the ground, she caught a glimpse of the red marks on her leg. They didn’t hurt or hinder her at the moment. As she ran, they were just _there_.

Toko scowled. She could do this! All she needed to do was finish the lap. Despite the growing discomfort pushing down on her, she ran faster and faster. The others were still closing the distance, but Toko refused to let that slow her down.

Each motion made her heart pound faster. Her grasp on the baton tightened, and her arms moved in wild arcs as she tried to keep herself from stopping. It wasn’t the best running technique, but it helped her move forward as she rounded the corner to the last stretch of lap. She could hear the footsteps of her classmates get louder behind her but she refused to slow down.

All of Toko’s thoughts, usually nervous and jittery, shut down until only one thing remained in her head: run.

Run, run, run, run, run, run!

She forgot about the reasons she wanted to run. She forgot about all the reasons she was afraid to run. She felt her vision start to blur, but she still ran.

And in this moment, she heard a small buzz that grew into a tumultuous roar, and it filled her entire being.

“Toko!”

“Go Toko, go!”

“You can do it!”

All of her classmates were cheering for her, and Toko felt it lift her up as she approached the finish line. She felt all the eyes on her pull her to the end. The fact that everyone could see the scars on her legs hadn’t even crossed her mind.

Despite her exhaustion, she felt light, as if each step could lift her off the ground.

She felt _free_.

With one final burst of energy, Toko crossed the finish line with an ecstatic grin on her face.

“WHOOOOOOOO!” The entire track seemed to break out into applause, and Toko took a few halting steps, her legs finally giving out from under her. Before she could fall though, she felt hands grab onto her shoulders to keep her upright. Turning around, she saw Hina and Sakura each keeping a secure grip on a shoulder. Both of their eyes were shining with pride.

“Wow Toko, way to go! That was amazing!” Hina said. She yanked Toko around in her excitement, but Toko couldn’t bring herself to complain.

“You did well.” Sakura gave her a single nod of respect.

Toko never thought much of either of them before, but their praise added to the warmth growing in her.

“WAY TO GO, TOKO!” a loud voice boomed in her ear, and Toko winced. She turned her head to the side and saw Hiro practically dancing in excitement.

Hina said, “Calm down, Hiro! Don’t blow out her eardrums.”

“Sorry, but I’m so happy! We won! We won! I can’t believe we won! I’m saved!” Hiro continued to twirl on his feet. Toko couldn’t begrudge him that happiness, so she said nothing.

Hina rolled her eyes. “You would think he was the one who won it for his team.” Suddenly, a familiar piece of hair bobbed in Toko’s field of view. “Oh, Makoto, you were right behind Toko, but she was too good for you to catch up to, huh?”

“Yeah, it was... really close... in the end…” Makoto panted, still catching his breath. “I think Chihiro finished right after me too, and Celeste was not too far back. It could have been any one of us. But I’m glad it was you, Toko.”

“Well… I hope you... didn’t throw the race… for my sake…” Toko said, too exhausted to say much else.

“Of course not! These two would kill me for sure if I did that!” Makoto gestured to Hina and Sakura. They nodded in agreement.

Toko shrugged her shoulders, now feeling like she could stand on her own feet. Hina and Sakura let go, and Toko wobbled on her feet. Her legs would definitely feel sore for a while.

It was worth it.

She looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. She spied Leon grinning sheepishly at the gym teacher, probably trying to convince him to be lenient with grades. The gym teacher did not looked impressed with Leon’s argument. Mondo was comforting Chihiro and Taka. Chihiro took the loss well, but Taka looked like he was on the verge of tears.

But where was Byakuya?

Suddenly, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and twirl her around. She shrieked and pounded her fist against the arms.

“Whoa there! Just doing a celebratory twirl!” Junko placed Toko back down and stepped in front of her. Mukuro also joined her.

“D-Don’t surprise me like that!” Toko said. “I don’t need you grabbing onto me again!”

“Oh sorry! Forgot you didn’t really like that.” Junko did not seem all that apologetic. “But anyway, you did it!”

“Yeah.” Impulsively, Toko stuck her hand in front of Mukuro. Mukuro looked at it, the surprise plain on her face. “Thank you for training me, Mukuro. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Unsure, Mukuro glanced at her sister. Junko only grinned, looking entirely too amused by the situation. Finally, Mukuro lifted up her own hand and gave Toko a firm handshake befitting a soldier. Toko winced, but endured the firm grasp.

“Alright Mukuro, you made a friend!” Junko cheered as Mukuro let go of Toko’s hand. “Now go by the track, I have something planned!”

Mukuro gave Toko a shy smile before heading back towards the track. As soon as Mukuro left, Junko crouched and pulled Toko down with her. Closer to the ground, Toko felt like she was having a secret conversation with Junko.

Junko said, “I’ll be honest, this entire situation was a win-win situation for me. I mean, given the circumstances set up, this outcome was inevitable. A loss would have been much more interesting.”

“Hey!” Toko was offended by the implication that Junko wanted to see her lose.

“Ssssh, I’m not done yet, give me a second! Now, this victory was easy to predict, but it still makes me so happy. It helped proved something to me, and now I can give you the best compliment ever, Toko!”

Toko vaguely remembered Junko’s promise before the start of the race and held her breath.

“You are definitely a person worthy enough to be a part of Hope Peak’s 78th class!”

“...Huh?”

“Oh! Isn’t this the best?” Junko wrapped her arms around herself.

“Did you think I wasn’t m-meant to be in this school? H-How cruel...” Toko frowned. Was all of this just a weird secret test by Junko?

“Nothing like that! I’m just glad you’re a part of my class, is all!” Junko popped back up to her feet. Toko slowly got to her feet as well, not sure what to make of that proclamation. Before Toko could question her further, Junko grabbed Toko and pushed her. “Now go do what you did this whole thing for to begin with!”

Toko stumbled forward, but managed to regain her balance before falling to the ground. When she got her bearings, her heart skipped a beat. She was close to Byakuya.

He hadn’t seen her yet. Instead, he was glaring at Sayaka and Celeste, berating them both for the team’s last place finish. Toko understood his anger at Celeste, but Sayaka?

“Celeste, don’t think yourself clever for foiling our victory,” Byakuya said. “I had anticipated betrayal on your part.”

Celeste stared to the side, keeping an apathetic expression on her face.

“That’s why I needed you to be better Sayaka. If you had been just a bit faster, Celeste would have been forced to run earlier under the teacher’s watch and we would have won!”

Finally, a rare burst of anger flared on Sayaka’s face. “I tried my best Byakuya!” she shouted. “I don’t care if this loss reflects badly on you, I only wanted to have fun! Have fun celebrating last place with your lousy team!”

With that, Sayaka stormed off towards Makoto, Hina, and Sakura. Any negative expressions on her face were instantly masked with a smile. “May I join you?”

Makoto smiled nervously. “S-Sure! We’re just hanging out.”

“Sounds good!”

Toko inched closer to Byakuya and Celeste, still not ready to be seen. Junko was right, there was one thing she needed to do now that she had won. She just didn’t know how to deal with Byakuya’s bad mood. It terrified her to the core.

However, she didn’t have any more time to think over a strategy, as Celeste immediately noticed her and smiled. “Hello, Toko. Congratulations on your win.”

Toko sighed and walked up to the two. Celeste now had a polite smile on her face, while Byakuya refused to look at either of them now.

Celeste said, “I believe Sayaka has the right idea, so I’ll leave you to Byakuya shortly. However, first, I must know…” Celeste turned back to Byakuya, “was your decision this morning worth the result?”

Byakuya sighed. “With your wig, you always had poor times on the track. I had suggested in the past that you remove your wig, but you refused. I made a calculated risk that your time without your wig, including your poor morale, was still better than if you had kept the wig. However, the team underperformed overall, so it made no difference.”

“Was that the problem all along? If you had been a better leader and informed me of such, we could have easily reached a compromise. Though I suppose it does not matter now.” With that, Celeste walked away to join Makoto and the others.

Toko bit her lip, looking everywhere but at Byakuya. She was finally alone with him, but she didn’t know how to start. So much for her mastery of words as a writer.

“Well?”

Toko jumped. Byakuya still looked away from her, but clearly expected her to say something. A warmth filled her body as she thought about she had Byakuya’s attention like this. She decided to speak her mind.

“I-I won the race. And the other d-day, you said the very idea was f-flawed…” Toko gulped. “You were wrong. I want you to accept my victory. And to accept me.”

“Hmph. I suppose you exceeded the expectations I had for you, as minimal as they were.”

Toko’s heart jumped at the compliment. “T-Thank you! I worked really hard, and-”

“I suppose this just means I’ll have to raise my standard for you,” Byakuya interrupted, a smirk on his face.

To have Byakuya see more value in her…

It meant the world to Toko.

“I-I won’t let you down!”

“See that you don’t. However, as it stands... you did well. Congratulations, Toko.” They looked at each other for one second, eye to eye. Toko felt like for once, she stood on even ground with Byakuya, just two people trying to fight for the things that they want in life. Then, the moment passed and Byakuya turned to the crowd of people gathering by the track.

“Why don’t you go bother our classmates, now?” Byakuya said, his tone leaving no room for debate.

“A-Alright!” Toko ran off, but not before sparing one last look at Byakuya. His arms were folded, and he was staring off, deep in thought. Toko hoped he was thinking about her.

She couldn’t help but snort and giggle as she went over to her classmates. They were organizing themselves into some sort of lineup, and the gym teacher stood in front of them, holding a camera.

“Toko!” he said and waved her over. She approached him warily. “You were really great in the race today! I gave you the highest marks possible.”

“T-Thank you,” Toko said. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, some of the students thought it would be a good idea to take a picture memorializing the race! I couldn’t agree more. I even pulled out some flags for it!” Toko looked behind him, and saw a line of long poles standing upright because of a support on the bottom. Attached to each pole was a cloth flag, and the flags were labelled a number 1-4. “Now why don’t you grab the first place flag and sit on the ground? You won it for your team, so I think you deserve the honor to hold the flag!”

Toko nodded and grabbed the indicated flag. The metal pole was cold against her hand, and Toko leaned her head against it for a second. This was proof she won. This was proof she could accomplish something, just as long as she tried. Maybe even one day, she could… well, there was no point thinking about the future now. She just wanted to keep the good feeling of this moment with her forever.

It was a feeling she wanted to remember.

She dragged the flag over to the gathering group. It seemed that everyone was splitting up into their groups, although Sayaka and Celeste remained close to Makoto. She brought the flag to the edge of where her group was gathered, past Hiro and Junko and Mukuro, but Hiro stopped her in her tracks.

“Toko! You should be in the middle of the picture!” he said.

“I-Is that okay?”

“Sure! I mean, you’re the star of this whole race!” He pushed Toko closer to the center, where Makoto now sat with his own second place flag. Hiro paused. “...Toko?”

“What?”

“Thanks for having my back.” Hiro sounded so genuine with his gratitude that Toko was caught off guard.

“Well… just remember. No more statues, alright?”

“Gotcha!” Once the flag was properly centered, Hiro returned to the edge of the group, next to the whispering sisters. Toko sat down to the left of the flag, so she could be more centered within the photo. Maybe she would ask the gym teacher for a copy of the photo, even if she didn’t like him all that much.

“Hey Toko!” Makoto smiled, and she smiled back. “Another photo for our class album, huh?”

“This one won’t be too bad,” Toko said.

Before long, everyone had taken their positions for the photo. Sayaka sat in between Makoto and Toko. She admitted to Toko that she admired her for standing up to Byakuya, while Toko mumbled some sort of thanks with a blush on her face. Celeste stood behind them, although she seemed more content to stare at Byakuya at the other end of the group rather than pay attention to the photo. To Toko’s right was Junko and Mukuro, Junko’s arm swung over Mukuro’s shoulder. Mukuro seemed embarrassed more than anything, while Junko looked exactly in her element. Past them was Hiro, arms crossed and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

Kyoko sat on the ground to the left of Makoto, and she leaned towards him as she smiled at the camera. Leon crouched behind them all, still sheepish about his screwup but not letting that ruin the good mood. Sakura stood behind them all, with Hina on her shoulders proudly displaying their team’s finishing place. Mondo, Hifumi, and Chihiro all stood close together as Chihiro held up the third place flags. Hifumi had his camera in his hands, and Toko wondered if he managed to get any good pictures of the event as well. At the end, Taka grasped at the flag with both hands, obviously still upset about his team’s loss. Byakuya stood above him, equally annoyed, and spent most of his time glaring at Celeste. However, occasionally Toko felt his glare burn the back of her head as well.

However, Toko didn’t want to look at him. She wanted to watch Makoto (her _friend_ ) as everyone smiled around him. She wanted to laugh as the class tried to stay still for the camera. She wanted to remember the scattered cries of “Cheese!” as the gym teacher announced he was taking the picture.

For this moment, it didn’t matter to Toko who she was, how many flaws she had, or what she deserved. She wanted, and so she chose for herself.

The camera flashed, and so Toko loved.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And now a long author's note to end a long fic:
> 
> Okay, so I started writing this at the end of summer in 2014. But when I returned to college, I ended up going through a heavy workload so I only ever to manage to write a chunk here and there. I also knew that this fic would be large but at the time I thought it would be somewhere around 9000 words or so. Whoops.
> 
> However, this is my last semester of college and I suddenly have a lot of free time. So I started to work on personal projects again, one of them being fanfics! I ended up writing the last third of this fic in a two week period, and I'm pretty proud of that.
> 
> On the subject of the fic itself, well, Toko's my favorite character in the Danganronpa series. And I say that having started this fic before Ultra Despair Girls was first released in Japan. It's not because of Genocide Jack either. Don't get me wrong, Genocide Jack is amazing, but I somehow ended up getting attached to Toko, a mean, crude, insecure girl who has the tiniest heart of gold in there somewhere. And I then I saw this bonus material photo of her having this huge dorky smile on her (!) staring right at Makoto (!!!!) and wondered "how the hell did this happen?????" And then this fic was born. Really, I just wanted this whole journey to Toko being happy.
> 
> ...Well, then it all gets erased but it's the thought that counts, right?
> 
> Other random notes:  
>  _Why NISA translation?_ I mean, I own the game and it's an easy and consistent reference for me to use. It seems to be the least used translation in fandom, though. Probably ended up driving readers away with it, haha.  
>  _Why one chapter?_ Yeah... there were multiple factors involved. It was a oneshot in my mind, I was worried I wouldn't finish this if I segmented it into multiple chapters, I actually really like huge oneshots... Probably ended up driving readers away with this too.
> 
> And I guess that's it! Feel free to send me a message on my tumblr, madmegatax.tumblr.com! And thank you for reading! :)


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